Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
