mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
