I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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