I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
