did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
