i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
