kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
