Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
