Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
