i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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