I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
