mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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