we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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