Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Randomize
