billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
