the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
