1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
