I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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