He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
