I think my vagina is haunted
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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