We won't sleep together?
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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