Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
