There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
