when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
