Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
