just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
