My cat gives me a boner
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I'm really busy with my period
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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