So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
