I like my sex mixed with concussions.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
