i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
