If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
