I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
