and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
