i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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