Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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