Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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