she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
