Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
