I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
