Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
