what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
It was confusing and full of hummus
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
