I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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