Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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