i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
