My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
