i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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