They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
