He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
