Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
