I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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