rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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