Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Randomize
